


i miss missing you

by winestaineddresses



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Family Meetings, M/M, im so sorry, post breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 09:52:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5739211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winestaineddresses/pseuds/winestaineddresses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He remembers being seventeen and stumbling in this bathroom and throwing up alcohol and the time when he was eighteen and had anxiety attacks in the bathroom before big tests and games. He remembers everything and now he's lying with his skull pressed against the cold tile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i miss missing you

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from "miss missing you" by fall out boy. 
> 
> im starting to do one-shots of jonny/kaner
> 
> this is hella sad im sorry (not really)

Patrick wakes up to a string of angry texts from Jess. 

"Pat are you coming today???" 10:34  
"Hello, Pat??????" 10:48  
"??????" 10:57  
"pat stop being an asshole" 11:02

Pat decided right then and there he really fucking hated his life. Even though it was four months ago, Pat's heart still hurt and he wanted to be in bed all day not driving all the way to Buffalo for Donna's birthday party. 

He's a terrible person, he already fucking knows that. He sends back a quick "sure" and drags himself out of his tangle of blankets and sighs. 

Patrick really hates his life as he kicks a sweatshirt (which he soon realizes is Jonny's from four months ago). 

~ 

It's snowing and Patrick's knuckles have gone white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. 

He wants to turn back around and go back to his apartment and curl himself into all of his blankets and sulk. His heart is kind of broken. 

His car is eerily silent without Jonny here, he was too scared to turn on the radio in fear of a song coming on that would trigger his emotions. 

The snow was relentless as his emotions. He kept driving anyways. 

~

Everyone was at his old house, crowding around the living room and talking to his mom. He arrived last, as usual, and tried to sneak in without everyone noticing because it was obvious he was missing a whole person with him. 

Patrick adjusted his snapback so it was backwards and sighed as he slipped into the living room. 

"Oh, Pat, you made it!" Donna seemed so happy, so Patrick slapped a fake smile on his face. 

Jessica, Erica, and Jacqueline's eyes all met his at the same time and he swallowed the lump in his throat as he hugged his mom tightly. Everyone knew about him and Jonny's split. 

He let go and he half expected his whole family to be staring at him but everyone was in deep conversations with each other. He sighed deeply and dug himself in between Jackie and Erica on the couch. Erica elbowed him hard in his ribs. 

"What?" Pat mumbled, rubbing his ribs. 

"What the hell? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Patrick shook his head. 

Erica dropped it quickly, knowing not to push Patrick. Pat sighed in relief and got up to go get lemonade from the kitchen. God must really hate Patrick right now because he runs into his little cousin, Jake, who had warm brown eyes that were now wide. 

"Pat? Where's Jonny?" Jake asks, eyebrows furrowed, his eyes staring into Patrick's now blurry ones. 

"He just didn't feel good today, kid. Maybe next time he'll come."

"Okay! Tell him I miss him!"

"Will do." Patrick said, and masked his voice crack with a warm smile at the young boy and made a beeline for the bathroom. 

Patrick makes it to the bathroom without any incident, missing all the pictures hung on the walls as he grasped the walls with wide open palms as he stumbled down the hallway. 

He gently closes the door and collapses onto the floor and let's go. 

The bathroom is still painted blue and white with white sailboat borders. It was brightly colored and it reminded Pat of all the times he was home. 

He remembers being seventeen and stumbling in this bathroom and throwing up alcohol and the time when he was eighteen and had anxiety attacks in the bathroom before big tests and games. He remembers everything and now he's lying with his skull pressed against the cold tile. 

He should get up and sit down properly but he can't bring his body to do that. He just let his tears roll over his nose and drip down his face. He stares at the white ceiling and swallows his nausea that was rising. 

He gets up and plops himself into the bathtub, flashbacks of him being fourteen and crying over a girl in this exact tub came rushing over him. 

He takes his phone out and wipes away his tears as he looks through his photos (yes, he still has an album named "jonny" with this little red heart emoji next to it. Yes, that's pathetic and he knows it.) He smiles as he scrolls through the endless selfies, some of them extremely blurry, pictures their friends took of them, and they both looked so happy. 

He rests his head against the cold tile, finally feeling better. The sailboats around him were still sailing into their sunsets and Kaner smiled for the first time in nearly four months.


End file.
